Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Living a single life

While at times it's fun, it seems to be taking its toll on me.

I suddenly realised how empty i've always felt when i read/commented EV's post on Best Friend, and the other night when Shin Dhee suddenly called me (and yeah we talked this and that).

I'm quite sure at least, most of my other friends in their respective uni, have their own clique of friends. You know? those they hang out with frequently. Makan together, go movies, etc.

Sad really when i think about it. For the past few months, i've only NOT eaten alone for a few times in one month. Every other time it's either i go makan alone, or i masak in the room.

Outings, well, only till lately (after i've finished my test), i went on a some sort of date (lol). And then there was my course's gaythering of course.

Maybe the problem lies with me. While not that i hate my coursemates, i'm not exactly fond of them either. Kinda like somewhere in the neutral. But the problem is, my mindset is just different from theirs. I dunno how to put it, but the roughest way is because i'm English Ed :/

Well, the only group i love to hang out with was my debate friends. But, i dunno, things are kinda different now i guess. The guys same batch with me, always seems to be so busy. Seniors are gonna grad soon. Juniors say they're scared of me (lol). Besides, we only meet each other in debate. Not exactly good for the club's interpersonel relationship if u ask me, but lately, i've been very, VERY skeptical about the commitment given the members.

Which is another issue in my life i guess. I felt i've always committed myself to Debate Club, and the current president, Kin Hoe, too. I've come to the point that i think, i've over committed myself in debate. So much so i don't feel like going to meetings anymore.

I don't know how to tell the others about this. And i don't feel like telling them anyway. There's once when i've decided to quit debate the next sem.

Tsk, but i can't. Because i know, that i love debating. It's the only thing that keep my mind sharp while being in this forsaken place called UTM.

Guess the moon is red tonight, tetiba i start to blog about my emotions. And it's a tl;dr (too long;did't read) post too.

Am i becoming an anti-social? I just felt as though i've cut away the connections that i have with... my friends. The other day in msn, guess i was kinda emo. A friend asked me to confide in her.
But i didn't, cos in mind, i thought "wat for, i know u wouldn't care anyway."

Oh well, on the lighter note, i've just ordered for my birthday present (the realistic version). Yay!!

I need a cig.


amy-da-great said...

Hang in there friend, you'll be graduating in no time.

It's not you, you know.
It's the place called University.
A melting pot of all kinds of people, of different viewpoints, beliefs, upbringing.

Sometimes it can be quite difficult to find ppl that clicks with you.
Unlike back in Klang. lol.

It's the same everywhere else.

And who says you can't have being alone? Be thankful there's the internet. Haha. And, no. I'm not talking bout porn. =P


-simmei in Examnification process.

Samuel said...

you the gerudi liao right?

hahaha.. me too most of the time eat alone la... nothing's wrong with that also... is my time out moment....

and in future.. I gonnna eat alone more.. since I will be staying for longer time in uni... sigh


elezend said...

Pretty common for me to eat alone but sometimes my room mate and her course mates will accompany me.

I did realise that non-chinese-ed people are usually loners ._. I'm quite a loner too sometimes