Friday, August 31, 2007

Yep. Exactly the issue here.

Do the people of Malaysia actually celebrates the glorious recollection of what happened 50 years ago?

Do the people celebrate, because they truly appreciate the meaning of independence, or do they just because other people are doing it. Or even, because to show their 'love' for the country, because if they don't then they're considered disloyal?

Hmmm... I guess one cannot deny that the thing most people are definitely appreciating is the fact it's a public holiday. The whole month of August and it's the only single public holiday. A relief to everyone eh?

The age-old question, do the young 'uns value independence? Has all the education, history and what's not, succeed in planting that little speck of patriotism amongst the young 'uns.

Hard chance. Students study hard to get A. Nothing more, nothing less. Sad, it is. Sadder when i had a friend who's just like that (many more i guess, but 1 confirmed). During the Convo Fair, there's a booth showing pictures of Bukit Kepong. He has the balls to ask me what's that. Damned.... That's wat we studied in BM Literature back in SPM eh? Wat's worse, he got straight A's. Sucked hard man....

To show love for the country.. Going around the world with Malaysia's flag? I dunno man.... But that sounds kinda, self-praise to me. The fact is, M'sia isn't exactly that advanced in terms of economy and technology. I feel before we reach the status as a First World nation, keep our trumpets down and low. But now, going around the world parading without any concrete achievement yet, doesn't sound so right to me.

But as to parades within the country, i support wit all my heart. In fact, i felt it was good of the students in my uni to go around in bikes and cars, waving the 'Jalur Gemilang' in their wake.
My friends said it was lame, but i felt it's just their way of expressing their nationalism. The only bad thing was they were still doing it even it was 2 in the morning. With all those honkings and shoutings, not so good move eh.

I'ma end my post here. Feedbacks welcomed. Flamings not.

Signing out.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007


I didn't get it.... Boohoo.... I didn't get the scholarship...

Saturday, August 25, 2007


Fuck Dammit!!!

I'm omitted from going to World's!! Fuck it!!


All for not having a passport now.. Sigh..

FYI, World's is at Thailand this time. It's a debate tourney, in which welcomes uni from all over the world to participate.

U damn right it's big.

And i missed out!! Fuck it....
Gone the chance to go Thailand for free.
Gone the chance to have fun wit friends
Gone the chance to flirt wit foreigners.

Haha. Nvm! I'll have plenty more to come!!

Thursday, August 23, 2007


's been so long since i blogged eh. I've got lotsa things on my mind. Damned i might add eh.

Still on 1 week hols now. It's really boring. Loneliness has taken its toll on me. I feel like a zombie, waking up each morning not knowing wat to do.

Basically, lonely is the word-of-the-month for me. I dunno, but since the start of sem, i've been feeling lonely. Desperate? Nay, not so much of it. So much so i'm beginning to feel empty inside.

Why am i feeling this way? Few reasons i guess...

First reason of emptiness..
Maybe due to the reason it's been so long since i last saw may. Oh gosh it's almost 2 months now, and i still gotta wait for another 2 months to see her. Well, she did say to visit me in October. How i hope she will come.

Why didn't i go to her place instead?
She say the nearest hotel is about 20 minutes drive away. She got no means of transport there, so it's not so convenient. She wouldn't wan me to stay in the hostel either.

Besides, she's busy wit studies and assignments.

Hah! Yeah some of u devils out there might suggest she's seeing someone else eh? That's why she wouldn't wan me to go.
Haha. Rachel has been kind enough to remind me of that.

To be honest, i do feel worried. Worried if she is seeing someone else.
While i'm very sure she won't, but someone of her looks, i'm almost quite sure if she's catching guys attentions already.

In fact, may did tell me that a Malay guy has been flirting wit her, a bit too much. Wat i did? I laughed it off, at the same time worry as well.

Nay. I've been thinking too much.

2nd reason?
The itch!! Dammit!! I hate myself for it. ARGH!!
But i still get it under control. Still good.
There ain't much of girls here for me to flirt wit in the first place. So i guess that kept things checked.

Well, i went out wit this girl a few times. Not that i'm trying to hit on her or anything. Maybe i did that out of boredom (Haha can u believe that? Sounds like i'm a player).
No people have no intentions at doing anything more ok??

So please leave out comment like "OH..... kinwai's unfaithful!!"

3rd? There's a 3rd??
I'm really fucked up for this. Seriously. In fact, i felt it coming as well. Damn....
I'm still trying hard to get it under control. Thankfully, it is now.
Wat's the matter eh?

I think i came to like a girl, in the Australs (the debate thing i went in July). Well thankfully, she's not from around here i.e. Malaysia. Thank even more that she's not in my uni eh.

But i remember the feeling alright. Was sitting beside her in the bus. We were just talking and stuffs like that. I could feel it coming too, the stab. ARGH!!!

I hate myself for that. Of cos i kept telling myself i'd be stupid if i let go of may.
I didn't. I'm still wit may. I still love her very much.

But still, it hurts to know that she'll be leaving.
Felt dazed for few days u know. Was worse when i was back in uni. All the sudden culture shock, of non-English speaking ppl all over again.

We're still keeping in touch now. Sending e-mails back and forth. Occasionally met on MSN.
No people, we're straight.

No people there is no 4th. THink i'ma end it here soon.

It's raining. Suits the emotion inside me eh? Hah!

At least now i've got Harry Pothead to read. YAY!! It's not the original hardcover. My friend got it, he said a Bangladesh version. Quality no so good, but the words inside are the same.
So fuck, i'm content with that!

Till then eh,
signing out

Monday, August 6, 2007

My sister told me, she had some nightmares lately, but couldn’t remember what. All she can recall is the feeling of fear.

I brushed it off, thinking no big deal of it.

Until 15 minutes ago.

In my own damned room, again.

It came again.

With its crushing force upon me.

The laughter grew more sinister and demonic than the last time.

I couldn’t stop it like last time. I was scared. I was afraid.

It took control of me.

I begged for it to stop.

It did. I was aware, almost awaken. But yet not completely.

I found myself in a room, very much like that of the one I’m staying in my hostel now.

It was night time, the hallway’s light is still on.

On the other end of the room, there’s a person lying on the bed. Screaming rather, in fear.

I can’t make out of what’s happening. It’s all too dreamy, yet so real. I can only see black figures struggling.

Then it stopped. The person awaken, but no fully. Just like me. It turns out to be

My sister… She’s trembling in fear.

All of a sudden, it’s as if the electricity was out. The streetlamps went out. The hallway light went out. I tried the switches.

At first the light came. Then it was off. I then realize the switches were retaliating the force I’m exerting upon them to switch on the lights. I can feel the plastic tilting against my fingers. It was dreamy, yet so real.

The backroom door flung open. The wind was blowing very strongly towards us.

Something was coming.

And it’s very near.

That’s when I jumped back to the world of reality, right on my bed, in my bedroom.

My heart was thumping very hard. It felt like it was, tore open, as if was pierced with a lance of fear.

I’m so fucking scared. I’m afraid.

God please help me.

Sunday, August 5, 2007

I'm back at home. Tomoro will be interview day. Among the people i knew who applied and got through for interview, i' m the first!

Ok ok everything's gonna be just fine. No worries. Everything's gonna be just fine....