Thursday, August 23, 2007

....erm....

's been so long since i blogged eh. I've got lotsa things on my mind. Damned i might add eh.

Still on 1 week hols now. It's really boring. Loneliness has taken its toll on me. I feel like a zombie, waking up each morning not knowing wat to do.

Basically, lonely is the word-of-the-month for me. I dunno, but since the start of sem, i've been feeling lonely. Desperate? Nay, not so much of it. So much so i'm beginning to feel empty inside.

Why am i feeling this way? Few reasons i guess...

First reason of emptiness..
Maybe due to the reason it's been so long since i last saw may. Oh gosh it's almost 2 months now, and i still gotta wait for another 2 months to see her. Well, she did say to visit me in October. How i hope she will come.

Why didn't i go to her place instead?
She say the nearest hotel is about 20 minutes drive away. She got no means of transport there, so it's not so convenient. She wouldn't wan me to stay in the hostel either.

Besides, she's busy wit studies and assignments.

Hah! Yeah some of u devils out there might suggest she's seeing someone else eh? That's why she wouldn't wan me to go.
Haha. Rachel has been kind enough to remind me of that.

To be honest, i do feel worried. Worried if she is seeing someone else.
While i'm very sure she won't, but someone of her looks, i'm almost quite sure if she's catching guys attentions already.

In fact, may did tell me that a Malay guy has been flirting wit her, a bit too much. Wat i did? I laughed it off, at the same time worry as well.

Nay. I've been thinking too much.

2nd reason?
The itch!! Dammit!! I hate myself for it. ARGH!!
But i still get it under control. Still good.
There ain't much of girls here for me to flirt wit in the first place. So i guess that kept things checked.

Well, i went out wit this girl a few times. Not that i'm trying to hit on her or anything. Maybe i did that out of boredom (Haha can u believe that? Sounds like i'm a player).
No people have no intentions at doing anything more ok??

So please leave out comment like "OH..... kinwai's unfaithful!!"

3rd? There's a 3rd??
I'm really fucked up for this. Seriously. In fact, i felt it coming as well. Damn....
I'm still trying hard to get it under control. Thankfully, it is now.
Wat's the matter eh?

I think i came to like a girl, in the Australs (the debate thing i went in July). Well thankfully, she's not from around here i.e. Malaysia. Thank even more that she's not in my uni eh.

But i remember the feeling alright. Was sitting beside her in the bus. We were just talking and stuffs like that. I could feel it coming too, the stab. ARGH!!!

I hate myself for that. Of cos i kept telling myself i'd be stupid if i let go of may.
I didn't. I'm still wit may. I still love her very much.

But still, it hurts to know that she'll be leaving.
Felt dazed for few days u know. Was worse when i was back in uni. All the sudden culture shock, of non-English speaking ppl all over again.

We're still keeping in touch now. Sending e-mails back and forth. Occasionally met on MSN.
No people, we're straight.

4th....
No people there is no 4th. THink i'ma end it here soon.

It's raining. Suits the emotion inside me eh? Hah!

At least now i've got Harry Pothead to read. YAY!! It's not the original hardcover. My friend got it, he said a Bangladesh version. Quality no so good, but the words inside are the same.
So fuck, i'm content with that!

Till then eh,
signing out

2 comments:

gypsy-on-the-move said...

kinwai, hold tight. it is worth the wait. okay? i mean, like if possible, just hold really tight. speaking from experience here. =)
*btw, link me up!

Samuel said...

well.. since u already forbid me from giving tat comment.. den all i can say is this:

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haha^^ Actually evyting is just like driving, your are driving are nice and wonderful car right now.. but that doesn't mean you can't go to a show room to look at those new cars at display rite...haha