Thursday, October 9, 2008

I've been pushed way beyond my breakdown limit. It's come to a point i'm at a null state. I've been negative before, but i've never been so negative till like this, every single day there's shit.

1. Loss of my dad's jacket
It was both my dad's and my favourite jacket. It's Nat Geo limited edition jacket. So yes, it's practically unavailable in the market. It's not surprise neither that he's upset about it (heck i'm upset too). So yes i kena la wat else.

2. My car got hit by bus.
It was bad, i broke 3 ribs and my right hand is immobile. My car's in a wreck.
Ok it's not that bad la. Was at junction then the bus kissed my car's butt. Dented bumper and scratches. But since it's the driver's fault, he paid for the repair (300 bucks).

3. Argued with my dad
Dunno what got into my head, but srsly i said stupid things. He was furious, as usual hurtful remarks were made.
Just slipped out that i lend my car to my friend. And he's against it. And it all fell apart from there.

4. My MP3 player spoilt
Great. My only companion as i walk from class to HEP and back to room is now dead.

5. Out of internet
I was sharing the Celcom broadband with 3 other guys. This dude who owns the modem, decides to not share it with us, but to share it with some other ppl instead. And yes i was fukken pissed. Owns the modem and he thinks he owns us. A fukken downloading freak too. Can u imagine, like for 2 to 3 months we subscribed to Celcom, he downloaded like 45~50Gbs of stuffs?
Uses the Thunder software to download, eating up all our bandwidths and we can't surf at all.
Fucking piece of rotting and selfish junk.

6. Forgot to bring my hostel room key
Things are just meant to stay bad between my dad and i. On my return day to uni, as we reach the bus station, only i realise i didn't bring my key along. Stupid me.
I have no roommate, so there'll be no other way to get into the room. No choice, i have to delay the buss while my dad speeds back to home to get it.
Again kena, but srsly it's my own stupidity (in fact all the cases are my own fault anyway lulz)

7. My car rosak, again
The key hole got jammed. I can't turn the key at all. Repair cost is RM265 (have to replace the whole thing). Yes. Again kena from dad. It's not my fault, but it is since i lend my car to my friend. I guess lending the car to others does increase the tendency of the key ignition be spoilt. Let this be a lesson to be learnt folks.

8. I remembered my assignment due date wrongly
So i had to rush back to room to complete it. Ha ha ha....

I was really stricken with stress due to the Intra-V thing. I was really grateful when it was over, for i was finally able to get some rest and recover.

Well apparently i'm not spared..

To my parents:
I hate going back to home. There. I've finally say it (i think i did though last time). There're always shits happening in the house. It's either my parents (which still torments me), or between my parents and I. I dunno why but when i'm with them, i just tend to do/say stupid things.
Can i just get out of your lives? So u both can just free yourself from this miserable life that i bring unto u? Winzhi lives to your expectation better.

To may:
I've always love u and u know it.
Still at times i have that dark thought that we should just break up, so i don't have to go home.
You've been there to support me all along.
This time it's just too much for me to handle.

To winzhi:
Ha ha... my lovely little sister. I've always been envious and jealous of u, because u just seems to get away with stuffs (bad results, your attitude bla bla bla). Funny, cos if i were in your position, i'd really fucked up, big time.
But still i dunno why i still sayang u so much. Bleh...

To aunt sharon/cuz shu-fei:
I rather not u to tell my parents anything about this.

I've been feeling all sorts of emotions, anger, hate, depressed, anxiety, suicidal, stressed, bengang. Till a point i've just become numb.

Things i felt like doing:
1. Jump off the railings (Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee *splat*)
2. Cut myself. Some say it works to release the stress inside lulz
3. Smoke. some say it works too
4. Grab a gun and shoot everyone. But guns are unavailable here so maybe i should just stick to parang lulz.
5. Shout and scream and cry.

Life goes on i guess.

Or should it?


p.s.: did this from my fac's pc lab and guess wat? It's raining cats and dogs outside and i can't get back to my room. lulz...

p.p.s: it's thundering like mad now. Maybe those guise above are waiting for me to get out in the rain, then they'll fry me with their bolts lulz...

p.p.p.s: Adei..... sakit....

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Alright guys, here's my attempt to continue the 'Holder's' Series. It's my first humble story entry. I'd appreciate feedbacks from you guys.

I've just informed the original author, but yet to receive his reply. Meanwhil

"The Holder of Earnesty"
In any city, in any country, go to any orphanage you can get yourself to. When you reach the front desk, ask to visit someone who calls himself "The Holder of Earnesty."
The smiling and ever helpful face before this would turn into a state full of graveness and seriousness. She would try to revert to her initial smiling face, but will be unable to. Keep insisting to be taken to that person.

She would give in should you be persistent enough.
Leading you to a dark hallway amidst the orphanage, you will hear a series of laughter, innocent at first. As you walk further down the hallway, the laughter gets louder, almost maniacal as you reach the wooden door at the end of it.

The lady would give a look undescribable by words, but you can tell from the frowns on her face begging you to leave the place with her.
You would want to, but to turn away now will render your journey so far pointless and regrettable, as the five items you have previously found would turn on you, unleashing all the pain they have caused unto the individuals that they had until you've found them.

Only this time you're the focus of all the five.

The lady would insert the key into the key hole, all at once the maddening laughter stops. IMMEDIATELY question out loud "Why the sudden earnesty?" The laughter will continue from where it left off, again the insanity ringing in your ears.
Should you failed to ask the question, you will face pain like you never known before, so much so you'd think scratching out your eyes is a feeble attempt to hurt you.

The lady will leave you. You're on your own. Turn the key, and enter through the open door. The sight before you makes you wonder if you've come to the wrong place. Unlike the previous 5 rooms where it's somewhat horrific, this room is filled with innocently crayon drawn pictures, colourful wallpapers. In the middle, sits an innocently looking 5 year old boy. The ambience makes you want to break a smile. On the right side of his shirt is a Mr Smiley button badge.

DON'T. Keep an earnest face for all you can. For failure to do so will be most regrettable.

The boy will look at you through his innocent face, and attempt an innocent smile. He will show you his newly drawn picture, of him sitting on your lap and laughing gently.
Should you stumble and break a smile, you will know pain like you never thought it would be. Not pain through suffering, but pain through the inability to stop laughing. You will laugh out loud, your throat begins to sore, your stomach begins to burn, your back begins to ache. The moisture gets drained from your very body. your stomach will be ruptured and turned inside out. Tears will run down your eyes. The boy, remaining ever innocent looking, asks you "Why you cry?" And the cycle begins all over again, until the next adventurer comes along.

Instead, ask "Why the earnesty?" and the boy will turn into a demonic image. The drawings and colours of the room morphs into hellish images, of fires and devils. Maniacal laughters once again fills the room. The temptation to look into the demon's eyes is strong, but DON'T. Focus on the button badge. Focus of all the happy thoughts you can muster, for the demon shall feed nightmares and horrifice experience into your mind.

Should u succumb to the feedings of the demon, you will experience the pain of inability to stop crying. Tears will flow from your eyes, to a point when it's so dry, blood will flow along as well. Your throat will sore and burn from endless wailings. At the end of it, you'll be merged with the soul of the demon, awaiting your release until the next adventurer comes along.

Should you succeed, the colours will return to the room, and a baby laughter will be heard. The boy vanishes, leaving behind the button badge.

That is object 6 of 538.

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